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Here's What You Remember From A Coma

by It's Just Vanity

/
1.
2.
Nothing is as sad as watching you lay latent, so desperate for a hand, and God, I hate this. What if you shake off the shame, put on the red dress again? I know we're not in love, but would it kill you to pretend. I'm so paralyzed by the thought of your every word I can't feel the tremors shake my bed when you're awake again. And your footsteps will feel the same from 500 miles away, when you surface from the surface of my sheets you're smiling at the air, and not at me. Discover what it's like to be alone, together, and is this friendship really formed? I can't express regret at saying this: We're not gonna make it as lovers, we're not gonna make it as friends.
3.
It's the unease that no one will ever flex their muscles over me. That atrophy sets in and the cold carries through the mourning. This is where we realize that our time, we captured for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Go blue and die. Layer your clothes, protect your skin from the arctic cold. I love winter and I love you more when summer's trees are wrapped in red and green. I'll be the one sending you gifts that plan your life for you. All I strive for are perfectionists' kisses , stolen from a storyboard Christmas. We give, and we get the chance to be forgotten this year.
4.
I knew your heartsink number before you even thought to leave and you can define me as the distress in your jeans. Sometimes things get so bad, I'm forced to sleep while white flashes drain all the thoughts from my head. And ask "Who would leave me alone with me?," a slave to any screen. You wrote the recipe for all things me, I am nothing without a dash of your anxiety, now I can't capture this brilliant beast you left for me. A head full of hurricanes with no room to evacuate anyone who gets in the way. When I say I hate you, know that I do. You can always count on me to come back to you. When I say that I hate, I know you'll sigh, I've come to know your eyes cry dry.
5.
6.
You keep sucking me in. I feel the pull of a Chicago wind. I'm not here to be there for you. Ask why, again? (I can't) What did it this time? Tap where it hurts the most (to a heart fallen out of reach) Beneath the skin and the bones. Hope alone cannot cary me, I'm too heavy for your dreams. She exists to know the pleasure in torturing me, but these aren't dreams. She would rather foster faith in this make believe, in lieu of me. I sleep where your skin last fought against love's last attempt. I'm not here to be there for you. Ask why, again? (I can't) What did it this time? Tap where it hurts the most (to a heart fallen out of reach) Beneath the skin and the bones.
7.
It's not about who cheeks taste these tears first.
8.
So quick, like pulling after the bomb has lost his last tick. And on your trip, I hope your plane keeps rising while you freeze inside of it. Isn't that what you said about me? I'm like him. It's not what you said about me, I'm like him. And I get this feeling, this feels like I'm sinking. And I swore I heard your love bounce off the satellites through the down pour. And i return home, that's where the hurt is, and I don't sleep anymore. Isn't that what you said about me? I'm like him. It's not what you said about me, I'm like him. And I get this feeling, this feels like I'm sinking. I could never pull the trigger, but I'm gonna have to now. I could never pull the trigger, but I'm gonna have to now on you, I know. Was I permanent or just for show? A plastic cling taped recklessly to your window. I'm firefighter red with the edges rounded out and this is your lungs, their last inhale.
9.
Cast as your stage or audience: there's no contrast in conscience. To rip your heart out and put it on display, while we stand waiting to frustrate. Or to sit in silence, just be part of the blanket, feeling nothing that means something. Everything is the same, even when it seems to separate. Erase myself to draw on you. I light fires to distort your view. In the future my life will be one sidewalk and the cracks in the concrete, the fights in transit, the tree on the left, the place where we met. I need the butterfly breeze to ensure the mountains move when I can't see. My eyes can't trust enough to move onward out and up. So please, please, please let's all stay in the sheet. Let's all stay clustered where we can see. Next time, we won't miss these connections, we will jump without looking. Erase myself to draw on you. I light fires to distort your view. In the future my life will be one sidewalk and the cracks in the concrete, the fights in transit, the tree on the left, the place where we met.

credits

released March 9, 2010

"Here's What You Remember From A Coma" was recorded by Derril Sellers at Prism Post Studios, 112 W. 27th St. New York, NY 10001 during the Fall/Winter 2009. For more information visit: www.prismpostny.com. All songs written by It's Just Vanity. Appearing on this record is Kelson Fagan, Louis Erazo (BMI), Phill Lundin and Danny Mecler. Artwork by It's Just Vanity. Copyright 2010.

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It's Just Vanity Chicago, Illinois

We used to be a band. This used to be our bio:

Hailing from Chicago, It’s Just Vanity bring a new meaning to post-rock. Formed by Louis Erazo and Kelson Fagan in New Jersey, It’s Just Vanity remain true to the basement scene rock ethic they grew up with. Their sound has been described as early 90’s indie emo mixed with half instrumental post-rock. ... more

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